School today
Little Lissa came running into the house after school one day, shouting, ‘Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!’
‘That’s great, Sweetheart,’ said her daddy.
‘Come in to the living room and tell me about it.’
‘Well,’ began the confession, ‘I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths and 20 in science.’
First day
The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, “What did you learn today?”
The kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
For my wife
I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife..
..best trade I ever made.
Speed Limit
A West Virginia state trooper, stopped a woman for going 15 miles over the speed limit.
After he handed her a ticket, she asked him, “Don’t you give out warnings?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied. “They’re all up and down the road. They say, ‘Speed Limit 55′”