Pay the bill
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”
I am a policeman
A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. “I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?”
“I should let you know first that I am a policeman.”
“That’s OK. I’ll tell it really slow!”
Really good
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all,” “Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
Farmer
A farmer lived in ancient Rome. He was working in the fields one day when he came across a giant strawberry, about one foot wide and 18 inches high. He thought this would be a novelty that many would want to see, so he took it home, washed it off, and set up a display in a case. He advertised the giant strawberry far and wide, and people came from all over to see the exhibit. He charged admission and made a pile of money.
However, he failed to report his earnings to the tax authorities, so they came to his farm to confiscate the exhibit. When they arrived at his door, he said, “I suppose you have come all this way to admire my exhibit as well?”
“No,” they said. “We’ve come to seize your berry, not to praise it.”