Pay in advance
A man consults a therapist and states, “Doc, I’m suicidal. What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Pay in advance.”
It’s glue
Lissa came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer.
‘No,’ said Mom. ‘It’s glue.’
‘I thought so,’ said Lissa.
‘I wondered why I couldn’t get my hat off today.’
An Idiot
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
Barber’s client
The barber’s client looked depressed, so the barber told him, “Cheer up. I knew a guy who owed $6,000 he couldn’t pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff’s edge.”
“Incredible,” said the client. “Who were these kind people?”
“The passengers on the bus.”