Whose fault was this accident
A witness was called to stand to testify about a head-on automobile collision.
“Whose fault was this accident?” the lawyer asked.
“As near as I could tell,” replied the witness, “they hit each other at about the same time.”
What’s a football wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.
One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 91 years old, and she’s just 27! What kind of a wedding is that?”
The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”
“What do you call it?”
“We call it a football wedding.”
The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”
The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”
This coffee tastes like dirt
Hubby: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Wife: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
Forget the recipe
Why can’t Andy make ice cubes?
He always forget the recipe.