Insulted
The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband.
“I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.”
“My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.”
“I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.”
He looked stern, “I see, but where does the insult come in?”
“In the postscript,” she answered. “It said: ‘Dear Alice, don’t forget to give this letter to George’.”
Dictionary
I swallowed a dictionary. You can quote me on that, verb ate em.
Golfing lesson of teacher
The school teacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
“Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor.
“P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied.
“Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”