Leave me alone
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
New year’s party
Tim’s New Year’s Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face.
“You know,” he confided to Tim, “I wasn’t even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests’ cars are blocking my drive.”
He continued, “My wife’s been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out.”
Fan of football
Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn’t the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, ‘No’.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, ‘My wife use to love to come to these games until she died.’
‘Why didn’t you give this seat away to a friend?’ I asked.
He replied, ‘Because they are all at her funeral.’