International medical conference
At an international medical conference, and American, a German and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.
The American said; “I can’t stand it sometimes, “We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS.” “I know what you mean,” said the German “We treat them for yellow fever; ant it turns out they had malaria.” “We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Russian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.”
He never cheated
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
You’re mistaken
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look here! You’re the only white man we’ve ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”
The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”
Guys go hunting
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, “I thought I told you to be quiet!” Jerry says, “Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn’t make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn’t make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, ‘Should we take them with us or eat them here?’ I couldn’t keep quiet any more!”