On Christmas morning

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.” [Read more...]

Pay like everyone else

Patient: Will you treat me?
Doctor: Absolutely not! You’ll have to pay like everyone else.
[Read more...]

It was Christmas

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened.” [Read more...]

The doctor is on the next floor

She burst into the office and shouted. “Doctor, I can’t stand it! You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong!”

He slowly surveyed her from head to toe and said, “Well, young lady, I do have three things to tell you.”

“First, you need to lose about fifty pounds.”

“Second, You’d look a lot better if you used about one-tenth the blush and lipstick.”

“Third, I’m an artist. The doctor is on the next floor.” [Read more...]

Correspondence course

A police officer stopped a car which was zigzagging alarmingly and asked the driver what he was doing.

“I am learning to drive,” was the reply.

“What? without an instructor ?” exclaimed the officer.

“Oh yes,” answered the driver.”It’s a correspondence course.
[Read more...]

Percentage of women

About 79% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 78% wish they didn’t have to. [Read more...]

Who can tell me

Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 9 is?”
Student: “It’s 63!”
Teacher: “Very good! – And who can tell me what 9 times 7 is?”
Same student: “It’s 63!”

[Read more...]

We need the eggs

Little girl: ‘Why does your son say, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck?”
Mother: ‘Because he thinks he’s a chicken.’
Little girl: ‘Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?’
Mother: ‘Because we need the eggs.’
[Read more...]

First day of school

It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the little boy about his family.

“And what does your Daddy do?”

“He’s a magician.”

“That must be exciting, what tricks can he do?”

“He can saw people in half.”

“That is clever, and tell me do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“Yes, one half brother, and two half sisters.”
[Read more...]