Funny Jokes, Humor, Romantic Jokes, Couple Jokes
A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid.
‘Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, son?’ he asked.
‘That’s nothing,’ the kid said after taking a swig of beer. ‘I got laid when I was three.’
‘What? How did that happen?’
‘I don’t remember. I was drunk.’
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A woman went to her doctor and said, “I want to have my husband committed.”
“Well, it’s not that simple. You need proof that he’s mentally incompetent.”
“He goes ice fishing.”
“Okay. Close enough for me.”
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The Professor asked, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
The blonde student asked, “Is it on or off?”
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Cop: “I’m sorry sir, but your wife has been involved in a fatal car accident and we’d like you to come with us so you can identify the body.”
Husband: “I’m a bit busy right now. Can’t you take a photo and tag me on facebook? If it’s her I’ll click ‘Like’”.
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How can a can you double your money?
By folding it in half.
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Mrs. Lang, a fourth-grade teacher, was instructing her class on American history.
“George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it,” she said. “Now, Sally, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
“That’s simple,” Sally replied. “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”
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Blonde Tim was asked, “How many seconds there are in a year?”
He answered, “It’s gotta be 12 seconds in a year – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…”
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The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.
“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $130.”
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A couple placed an ad: “Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter.”
Responses:
American: Keep trying!
Briton: Change Doctor!
Aussie: Follow a special diet.
Indian: Practice yoga!
Polish: Let me try!
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