Missing Husband

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.

The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, “You can’t believe her. He’s 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.”

The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, “Just because I reported him missing, doesn’t mean I wanted him back!”
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Reason for leave

A newspaper writer, after working for 7 long years, was finally granted two months of leave, during which time he would be fully paid.

However, he turned down his boss’ kind offer. The boss asked him why. The newspaper writer said there are 2 reasons.

“The first,” he said “is that I thought by taking such a long leave it might affect the newspaper’s circulation.”

The boss asked him what is the other reason.

“The other reason,” replied the writer, “is that it might NOT affect the newspaper’s circulation.”
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Old hockey injury

Rocky came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers noticed and asked what happened.

Rocky replied, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.”

“I never knew you played hockey.”

“I don’t,” said Rocky. “I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup playoffs and put my foot through the television.”
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Three rings of Marriage

Marriage is made up of three rings…

The first one is called the ‘Engagement Ring’.

The second one is called the ‘Wedding Ring’.

And the third one is called the ‘Suffering’.
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Someone already there

Teacher: “I told you to stand at the end of the line.”

Student: “I tried, but there was someone already there.”
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What is the time

His trainer told him to stay down till eight. He looked up from the canvas and said, ‘What time is it now?’
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Good News

Joe walked into his dad’s study while his dad was working on the computer.

“Dad,” said Joe, “Remember when you told me you’d give me 50 dollars if I passed my math test?”

Dad nodded.

“Well, the good news is that I just saved you 50 bucks.”
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My husband’s hair

Friend: “I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?”

Woman: “Yes, it’s a lock of my husband’s hair.”

Friend: “But your husband is still alive.”

Woman: “I know, but his hair is long gone.”
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Result of fight

‘Just think of it,’ said the boastful boxer to the manager. ‘Tonight I’ll be fighting on TV before millions of people.’
‘Yes,’ replied the manager, ‘and they’ll all know the results of the fight at least ten seconds before you do.’
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