Tohle Jokes – Jokes of the day

I never could before

“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!” Continue reading →

Guy goes hunting

A guy goes hunting and wants to hire a dog to retrieve the catch.

“I have just the dog for you, sir.” says the gamekeeper. “He’s called Salesman and he is brilliant” Off they go and every time the hunter shoots a bird the dog runs off and brings the bird back just as he was hired to do; a great success.

The following year, the same guy goes back and asks for Salesman as he was so good last year.

“Ah, I’m sorry, sir, but it won’t work anymore. Someone had the bright idea of calling him Sales Manager – now he just sits on his arse and barks all day”. Continue reading →

Hot or cold

Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Ans: Hot. Everyone can catch cold. Continue reading →

Supermodel and Pizza

A supermodel orders a pizza and the waiter asks if he should cut it into six or twelve pieces. She says, “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.” Continue reading →

First day of school

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”

A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?” Continue reading →

Relationship

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay.

And the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. Continue reading →

Brain scan

A man goes to the hospital for its brain scan.
According to the results:
In his left brain no one’s right
And in his right brain nothing’s left Continue reading →

Mathematicians joke

What is the shortest mathematicians joke?
Let epsilon be smaller than zero. Continue reading →

I always thought

Having completed a course of analysis with his psychiatrist, John tells a friend:
“I always thought I was indecisive”
Friend: “And now?”
John: “I’m not so sure.” Continue reading →

Teacher and Tim

Teacher: Tim, I hope I didn’t see you copying from George.

Tim: I hope the same too. Continue reading →